Remember goodness

[The context, which you can skip] For the past few days, I have been grieving for what might seem to be petty things for many. No matter how I try to get myself busy with other concerns, the events that had happened continue to haunt me, as if it were terrible. I wallow in regret, blame and pity even if for every second I know there is no sense to it. I know that nothing is accomplished in thinking about it, but somehow I do not seem to believe enough. It seemed like I was going to be forever bewildered by what I had mentioned as petty…

…Now, what I do is sing songs, and remember goodness. It is not always the case for me to be swayed into the mood of my attempted adulation, and when I say this I mean it, but… it is not always a failure. And when one does see the victory there is to it, admiration and gratefulness is inevitable. One begins to understand why gratitude in prayer would suffice. One can only weep at grace and mercy encountered. Whereas one once grieved because of thought that she deserved better, she now weeps because she knows she does not deserve any. How magnificent is grace. How magnificent is the revelation that everything that God allows to happen, He does and wills because He loves (and he loves deeply).

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